just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
