i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
