and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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