The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
