Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
