as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize