didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
