whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
