Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
