You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
