you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
