no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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