She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
