Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
