Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
