got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
