Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
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