I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
