Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
