Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
