Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
