in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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