he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
whose parrot is this?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
