soooo we both peed the bed last night...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
