Will you blow on my dice?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
