Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
