If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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