I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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