apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
