It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We need a shit load of segways right now
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
