Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
