I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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