you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
