She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
