I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
