it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
