I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
