32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
