i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
