Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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