Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
