Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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