1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
