i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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