did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
