Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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