Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
