I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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