Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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