I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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