he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
