I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
