I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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