I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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