nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
