I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
