Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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