i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
